Pink Lemonade

I'm sorry I've been slacking my writing. It's mostly been that there is so much to talk about I don't even know where to begin. I figured silence may be the best way to overcome the anxiety of getting through so much material. I don't want to do that anymore. I've done that my entire life. Ignore things when they start to seem overwhelming..they'll go away...eventually.

....not that they ever do.

Nashville. Nashville was amazing. I saw Divya for .5 seconds. I loved it. I saw Robert for about .9 seconds. It was good to see him. Very Robert like. Of course seeing the Committee is always the best part. I'm so proud to be part of something so wonderful. To be touched by 9 of the most incredible people I will ever know. I don't think I could ever really explain how lucky I really am.

Kim and me. She's my comfort in every storm. Love her.

Here's a few pictures from the week. Enjoy.

1: Practicing our skit. We're all a bunch of Debbie Downers.

2: Typical National Committee.

3: Jeneen (most incredible woman in the entire world and makes the world of PRSSA go 'round), Kim, and me.

4: Me, Scotty :), Kim and Papa Kev. We're sitting with kings, ladies and gentleman. PRSSA Kings.

The Times They Are A Changin'

Nashville was incredible. New National Committee elected. Out with the old. In with the new. Incoming Vice President of Chapter Development is going to totally show me up. Good, my position really needs that. I haven't contributed as much as I should have and I regret that. Learn and move forward.

I don't feel well. Over tired from travel. I should probably rest. More later. Lots and lots later.....work...sleep....must....go.

Sweet tea and sunshine...

Tomorrow I'll be in Nashville. I never thought trekking to the South East could be so exciting. I am absolutely pumped about it though. Endless sweet tea and sunshine....warmth. Home.

Unfortunately all I really have time for this morning is giving you a few pictures from the weekend. Pictures say a thousand words anyway so I really don't need to do much talking.
Here's another picture of me and Lisa on her recent visit. Good times.

Me and my buddy, Travis, on St. Patrick's Day in a bar in Fremont. Good times.

My look of disdain makes me giggle. I'm not sure why I'm giving Chirag such a look of death.

Look, I don't really hate Chirag. He's a funny guy. Yes, I'm wearing a Washington State hoodie. They're switching me over up here. Curses.

Gotta run.

It's a small world after all...

It is weird how small the world is. I guess I've always known it, I've run into people I knew in foreign countries and in various parts of the United States and it always strikes you as strange. Six degree of separation. I can be comforted to know that I know someone, who knows someone that knows someone that knows someone that knows someone else that knows Johnny Depp. My that is comforting. Anyway, It didn't really occur how strange it is until this Saturday.

I was at a sports pub with a few of my friends watching the Washington State/Vandy game and sitting right next to this guy that I didn't know. As many of you know I start conversations with everyone. Just never know when I'll meet someone that is a degree closer to Johnny Depp. Anyway it was clear to both of us that we weren't interested in the game.

He says, "I don't care about this game at all."
"Nor do I," I said.
"I'm from Montana," he said.
"Ah, cool, I'm from Alabama."
"No way," he says, "I went to school in Alabama."
"Really?!" I said.
"Yeah, I went to UAB."
"No way, dude, I went to UAB."
"Were you in a sorority there?"
"Yeah, I was Alpha Xi Delta."
"Oh awesome, I was Pi Kappa Phi."

Turns out we know all the same people. Completely random. He graduated in 2005. I hung out with him yesterday and reminised about Alabama and sweet tea. We had a good time. It was sunny yesterday so we got to walk around Olympic Sculpture Park, Golden Gate, played some miniature golf...good times. It's almost like a small piece of home here with me. I think it will be nice to have a friend like that here.

Happiness is found within...

I've always hated being alone. Spending time with myself is something I've always dreaded and tried to avoid. That was until recently when I received some perspective.

I was told that I had to embrace and love being with myself. If I can't love spending time with myself then I certainly can't expect anyone else to. I'm working on that. I'm working on finding the things that I love about myself. I'm learning to find my own happiness.

I love my kindness. It is something I got from my mom and I always hated about her because it always resulted in her giving away my material things to someone whenever anyone said "Oh, I love Jessica's ______." And because she is giving and kind she'd always respond with "Oh, Jessica doesn't mind if you have it, do you Jess?" At the time I hated it. Now I realize that I'm the exact same way and I love it. Thanks, Mom.

I love my work ethic. I love to work, I always have. I love to stay busy and I love what I do. I'd like to think that I am a great leader, at least a considerate one. I got that from my father, he's always been a wonderful employer. He has the most admirable work ethic. I love that about myself. Thanks, Dad.

I love my wit. I've always been pretty quick with my responses and sarcasm. My family as a whole as pretty witty but I think that my brother, Jason, is by far the wittiest. I love that about us. I love that about me. I love that I have that. Thanks, Jason.

I love that I'm giving. I definitely have the southern hospitality and I love it. I always want to give more, to assure that everyone is okay and has everything that they need. My brother, Shawn, is the single most giving person I know. I love that my mom equates me to his generosity. I love that I have that. Thanks, Shawn.

Something I love that I think is all my own is my ability to adjust in seemingly awkward situations. I actually rarely feel uncomfortable in social situations. Almost never. I love that. I love that I make friends with anyone, everywhere. That my friends have always said to me "Jess, you have friends EVERYWHERE." I love that. I love that I am someone people want to be friends with.

I'm learning to love myself. Who I am. Where I am from. Where I'm going and who I will become....I'm learning that it isn't that bad to be alone.

Overcast in my mind..

I went to bed early last night. By early I mean 1 am. I'm not a good sleeper, I always wake up about 40 times during the night. It isn't loud in my house...its just loud in my head. Can't clear it, so much is going on. Too much to sort out. I hate that.

It's just going to take a little time for the sun to peak through, all I know is I can't wait to feel its warmth.

Rollercoasters are overrated

I remember my first rollercoaster ride in seventh grade. My uncles had attempted numerous times to make me ride them before, but with no success. It was on my 7th grade band trip that I was willing to take on "The Mindbender" at Six Flags Over Georgia...I only did it because my brother was there to hold my hand. He has always been able to comfort me. I'm so lucky to have my family.

While that is a memory I will always cherrish, the tossing and tumbling, the jerking and twirling, it is different when that becomes your life. 30 seconds has turned into a month. I have been in Seattle a month today.

It has been up and down, but constantly moving forward... it will get better. I'm assured constantly of that by my family. Holding my hand even thousands of miles away.

Yesterday was bad. I got a $35 parking ticket. I had a huge misunderstanding with Brian. I am overwhelmed at work. PRSSA National Assembly next week. Overwhelmed. 90 to nothing - until my cousin Bill called. He's coming to visit Easter weekend. That made things start moving upward last night. Bill's visit. Went for a jog around my neighborhood and I'm not going to lie, Greenlake is really cute. I think I'm going to love living there. My roommate is great. We talked last night. Made me feel a lot better. Talked to Jay, talked to Chris, talked to Scott, talked to Mom. Everyone is cheering for me to keep moving onward. So lucky.

Midnight sushi last night at Wasabi Sushi with Kenny, Chirag, Ryan, Kaylee, a co-worker and her boyfriend. Sushi = comfort food. I love it.

Today is going to be good though. This is definitely a moving upward day. I decided for myself. I have on my four-leaf clover shirt and I'm ready to roll...but if it does start moving down I'll still be alright because so many people are waiting to be there to hold my hand.

Everything you do has meaning....

...I'd like to think that I'm that introspective, that I think that deeply about everything. Trouble is...I don't.

How things are perceived I sometimes spend little to no time thinking about the reaction when you say something like that. I just don't. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you otherwise...maybe you see it as insensitive. It isn't. It just wasn't thought out. That's all. Ignorance not insensitivity.

Do you have to let it linger...?

Dinner with Travis tonight. It was cool I got to walk around Capitol Hill for the first time. I also got to hit up Urban Outfitters which makes any dark day a lot brighter.

Work is picking up...a lot. I had 2 client meetings today and a brainstorming session and a ton of deadlines. I love it, it keeps me out of trouble. Mucho enjoymento.

I wish I had more inspiration, but I confess...I have none.

Good night.

Sorry Jay...

It's no Ministry but I really like this song...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTDRztaCCw

Pictures.

Well as promised here are the pictures. I only have four, but whatever, take what you can get.


This is us in Pike's Place Flying Fish Market. We're next to a monk fish which has to be one of the most disgusting creatures I have ever seen in my life. But that's alright. It didn't discourage my continued consumption of delicious hazelnut latte from the original Starbucks.

I will be the first to admit that I'm a tremendous dork. In the Seattle underground.

We're in the underground www.undergroundtours.com hanging out by one of the store windows. Looks like we're standing in the rain.

Here is me and Lisa in Pioneer Square. Aw. Precious.

Let love in...

Let love in....that's a Goo Goo Dolls song. I think that's how I need to start living my life.

I've been filling my days with a lot of sorrow and "what ifs." What a waste of my time. Today I'm accepting circumstance. I'm living my life. I'm letting love in.

..Or at least I'm going to try.

It is difficult to be away from my friends as they have their senior spring breaks. I had a great spring break last year...Phoenix and then San Francisco. I won National Committee last year. Really couldn't ask for a better last spring break. Curb jealous. Kill envy. It isn't very becoming. Let love in.

I had a good night last night. Seattle Alumnae Board of Alpha Xi Delta hosted its monthly meeting and I was invited to attend. It is so incredible to see my sisters from so many walks of life - ages 22 to 70. I could not have predicted being part of something so incredible when I got here. They all have such love for the sisterhood. It means so much to them. I was nominated for VP of PR and Social Chair. It is a two year term. I am going to love it. Let love in.

Tonight I'm going to spend some time at SPL (Seattle Public Library) and maybe do a bit of jogging. I think I might also try to master a tuna melt tonight. My mom makes the best ones. I'll try to recreate and curl up with a good book. Me night tonight. Let my own love in.

...Or at least I'm going to try.

P & P makes the world go 'round

Pride and Prejudice has always been my solution to feeling down. Since I'm feeling a bit down I thought I'd partake in some Jane Austin.


"You must know - surely you must know that it was all for you... I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul and I love and love and love you. And never wish to be parted from you from this day forward."-Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth in Pride & Prejudice

Michael always knows what's up

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NP2F0BmwBVw

Here I go being emo again. Be prepared.

Lisa's visit

It was incredible having Lisa here. So peaceful, exactly what I needed.

Friday night was well, ridiculous. We went and toured the University of Washington campus with one of my sorority sisters, Jill, which was a lovely walk. The campus is absolutely beautiful. We checked out this sushi place for dinner called Rain. It was pretty inexpensive and really really good sushi. I'm definitely going to make that a repeat restaurant. After that we went to Kel's an irish bar in Post Alley. We had a good time dancing around and mingling with some people. We both had a little bit too much to drink, but you live and learn. Never to do it again.

Saturday morning we got a bit of a late start but went to Pike's Place and walked around the market place. It was so fun just to walk around aimlessly. We had seafood gumbo for lunch, drank a latte from the original Starbucks and had a pastry from this amazing Russian place. Incredible'. We also went to Pioneer Square to take the Underground Tour www.undergroundtour.com. Good times.

Saturday night we dipped into Pesos for dinner which was full of beautiful guys, beautiful food and beautiful atmosphere. Lucky for me it is right by work so I can maybe go check out the fellas a bit more intensely on another outting. For sure.We relaxed for a bit and then went and had a late night dessert at 13 Coins www.13coins.com which is probably the weirdest restaurant I have EVER been in. It doesn't even begin to make sense. Expensive food open 24 hours a day. Weird. Fried ice cream was amazing, though.

Sunday we spent a little time walking around the International District and had dim sum for lunch and then headed up to Snoqualmie Falls www.snoqualmiefalls.com to check out its beauty. Very impressive waterfall. Def a romantic hotspot if you have someone to romance. Maybe if Brian comes to visit....hm.

Last night we went to dinner in Belltown and then headed over to the Garage www.garagebillards.com to bowl a little bit. Lisa, Kenny and I all won a game. Yay. I had the highest score...119 sucka.

She left today but I will see her in Nashville in two weeks. It was so great to have her here, though. So great. Pictures will post as soon as she puts them up because, well, I didn't take any.

I fail.

Work time.

It is going to be a great weekend.

Lisa got in late last night. I'm so excited that she's here. It is a bummer that I have to work today and can't spend the day with her. Dang it.

Travis is spending the day with her and I hope that works out alright...I don't see why it wouldn't.

I'm too distracted. Must work.

I hate songs in blogs. But I like this song.

Forgive this. I had to.



Artist:
Keith Urban
Album:
Love, Pain & the Whole Crazy Thing
Title:
Stupid BoyWell, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different
Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh
So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy
Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeahWell, she let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
es, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy
It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long goneLong gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone
Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me

By the way...

...I never made it to Host. We were late. We went and shopped at IKEA instead. I'll show you the beautiful furniture we built yesterday as soon as I get my camera rolling.

It is hard to work backward when time moves forward

So I feel no good today. I suppose that's normal when you start off an hour conversation with the person you love about how much you need to move on. Truth is, I don't want to move on. I've always been capable of moving on pretty speedily but for some reason, I can't kick these feelings. I haven't waivered from loving him...but he gave up the second I got on the plane and that hurts. A lot.

I have to try and make things before I spiral into complete and utter misery. I can't change it now. All I can do is move forward and pray that time will reveal to me truths. I hate myself for never letting me see the whole truth, I only ever wait to see the half truth and then I develop the rest of it with my own thoughts. I need to stop doing that. It gets me into trouble.

I do have some ridiculously good news, though. Lisa is coming today! She called me yesterday to let me know she booked a ticket to come see me for the weekend and I am bursting with excitement. It will feel so incredible to have a friend here...it will make me feel at home. I will definitely be taking lots and lots of pictures of our adventures throughout the weekend and make them available to you ASAP. Along with some glorious shots of my house.

Time to work. Time to move forward. Time to breathe. Time to live.

Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away

Sunshine today. Beautiful blue skies over Lake Washington with snow capped Olympic mountains in the distance set the scene for my day this morning. Such an incredible view and everyone in my office just walked by it. They've all seen it before. No need to look again. Doesn't matter that it hasn't been sunny in a freaking week. They keep telling me...."just wait, Jessica...when May comes...sunshine ALL the time." Well that may be so, but I'm going to keep on my IKEA sunboxes anyway.

Work is going pretty well. I realized I haven't really talked much about it. I actually enjoy my job. Lots of benefits, the company is wonderful, people are willing to help and they're keeping me busy.

Last night I went to visit the Alpha Xi chapter here. They're great girls. I got along with the alums and I'm looking forward to building the "sisterly" bond in the future. There house is so beautiful. So warm and inviting. Check out the house http://www.alphaxidelta-nu.com/dnn/ . Pretty precious, huh?

I will write more about life in awhile. I have to run to see a premiere of "The Host" with Kenny. I have free tickets, good times. http://www.hostmovie.com/ Let ya know how it goes.

New house, new life

It's all coming together. One day at a time. Friday night I just hung out at home with Clanci (Chris' roommate) and the dogs and went to sleep pretty early. The work week seemed to get to me...or exhaust me anyway.

Saturday I woke up farely early and spoke with Brian about our relationship plan. Plan is...there isn't one. We're just going to let what happens happens I suppose and feel it out as it comes along. One thing is certain, I miss him a lot. If I'm meant to head back that way and be with him, I guess I will. Time tells all. It just sucks a lot to watch it tick by.

Rest of the day Saturday was spent moving. I moved into the new cute house and my roommates keep to themselves for the most part which is alright. I think I can face the solitude rather cheerfully with my new Seattle Public Library card. Seattle Public Library = rock star awesomness...check it out and be jealous http://www.spl.org/ . Good times had by all.

I went with Travis and Kenny around Seattle looking for bits and pieces to get my room to have a more homey feel. I got some new sheets, some beautiful IKEA lamps and a huge rug and some other non-essentials that make the whole room more fun. I went out that night with Clanci and Shuley to play darts at the Irish Emigrant (a total sketch bar in the U-District) which was fun. Mostly because I won. Those Peace Corps girls are so freaking sweet though its out of control. I definitely had a good time, though.

Yesterday I went to St. James Cathedral for mass with Kenny which was very..well I guess pretty. The cathedral is huge and goregous and I signed up for an opportunity to teach ESL which will be nice to start giving back to my community that I'm living in. I think that's an important part of feeling connected to where you live. Yay.

I went to Costco yesterday and bought a ridiculous amount of veggie burgers and other bulk items which should tie me over for about a month. But that's good because I don't get paid for awhile. :)

I spent last night out with a guy named Josh and he took me to dinner and a movie which was fun. We went to a restaurant called Bamboo Garden and then saw Zodiac, probably the worst movie ever. So painfully long. I wanted to jab my eyes out. I didn't though, so don't worry.

Tonight I have an Alpha Xi Delta Alumnae event and I'll send word tomorrow as to how that goes, but I'm looking forward to hanging out with some sisters.

That's all for now.

Feel bad until you feel better.

Feel bad until you feel better. That's what my mom always tells me. Today I feel bad....but I will feel better. When, I don't know.

Last night was alright, I went out with the some friends. We went to watch the WSU game and I'm not sure but Cougs might be more intense than the Crimson Tide....nah, not possible.

I don't know why I feel bad... I just can't kick it. Work has been slammed today so I haven't had much time to really think about it...but it's still creeping through me. Silly emotions.

Moving tomorrow, I'm going to try to take pictures this weekend of the new house and post them...keep things exciting....So far I only have one picture in Seattle. That is an Indian rhinestone on my forehead that my friend Chirag gave me in case you're curious.

Eh...I don't feel like talking anymore. Post more on Monday.

New Gig

I am here. Here in Seattle. Just moved to the West Coast from good ol' Alabama and it definitely is a change. People keep saying to me

Wow Alabama girl, big change. Why?.....

or

Moment of insanity? Have friends here?


Okay, no, I don't have friends here...well I do now, a few. And no, I'm not insane..at least not yet.

It has however been a big change. Big transition, but I'm pretty resilient and looking forward to a new day. Leaving home was hard. Leaving friends, family and a boyfriend for something unknown.

Life has become a close up Monet, I can't really make anything out right now but everyday I'm stepping further and further back to make out the big picture. I'll keep you all updated as things take place.


Why the move? Job. I graduated in December with a degree in public relations. Thought the best way to get a grasp on the world and/or myself was to move far away and try to figure everything out on my own. So that's what I've done.

It has been rough. It has been a battle of emotions but I'm trying to think about how wonderful this will be once I do see the whole Monet...not just a bunch of splotches of paint.

Keep you updated...keep reading.