Miss Ballard

I don’t know how it struck or what brought on the surge, but I realized yesterday how indifferent I am to people that pass off into the periphery of my life, those that fall out of focus. Of course there are folks in my life that I will always love regardless of how often we chat, those are my kindred spirits and best friends. I'm fortunate enough to have a handful of them.

There are those others that drift in and out of your life and when they come back in you always try to make the connection again, make them fit where they used to. More often than not, that void that once was has already been filled by another friend and you can't rekindle what was.

This disconnect comes in all forms, of course. It comes with past relationships, friends, classmates and colleagues. You always want what is best for them as they move on, out of your life, especially the ones that were once important. You hold on to the nugget of what they were to you, cling to it...until soon it all fades away. It’s just a part of growing, they say, and the ones that are important stick with you.

I remember the first time someone fell out of my life and I could feel the hurt, the missing, the sting of pain. It was Miss Ballard, my kindergarten teacher. While Miss Ballard was never overly affectionate, she was what every kindergarten teacher ought to be, soft spoken, patience and considerate. I loved her. When I moved on to 1st grade, my classroom was close by Miss Ballard’s and when I had the opportunity to stop by and see her, I always did. I remember the change in her demeanor, a slight chill in her approach. I had fallen off her radar and she couldn’t make me fit back in her life. She had new students and they were her focus. I was heartbroken.

Since then, I’ve fallen out of many other’s lives and they’ve fallen out of mine. It is just the way it is. I’ve had a few of my friends fall out recently, and it’s always hard. It’s always the same. You hang on to that one nugget, give them another call, and reach out hoping to rekindle what once was...but eventually, as it always does the hope turns into apathy.