Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I want to be on Rachael Ray...soo much.

I filled out something to be on the Rachael Ray show. The producer called me and requested more pictures. They said they'd call again if they want me.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Tired of this thing called life

It's amazing how you can just get exhausted with life, isn't it? I don't know how I got to be so tired with it, but I am.

I don't feel depressed, I don't feel hopeless, I don't have any of those kinds of feelings. I'm just tired. Tired, tired, tired.

A weekend full of random things to do doesn't seem like it's the cure to make it any better, either. But, I have a packed weekend. Bite of Seattle tonight, Mariners' game tomorrow, C's dad's on Sunday.

I'll talk later, I'm too tired to write.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Mom Rocks Socks

I own a pair of socks that say in bold pink lettering "My Mom Rocks." When I get home I'm going to put them on. Because, afterall, that is in fact the truth.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A cat named Susan...

I love the way my cat shows her sweet crazy affection, how she cuddles close to you but it's always very much on her terms. Susan is named after my best friend, and it always astounds me how much they're alike. Even though they've never met, and are approximately 1,505 miles apart, the two Susans comfort me with their standoffish affection that I've always found endearing.

Having cat Susan has been a tremendous comfort and I see so much of my best friend in her.

How I lucked out with such good friends, I'll never know, but I most certainly did.

My best friend "Susan" lives in Phoenix, but I grew up across the street from her. She was two years older than me, and I absolutely adored her. She was many things that I wasn't -- creative, hardworking and smart.

While we were growing up, she was always coming up with new money making schemes -- we made bookmarks once, beaded flag pins, lemonade stands, kool-aid stands -- she was a entrepreneur from the start.

I have 1,000s of favorite memories of her, but one of my favorites is every summer in our backyards looking for hours for four leaf clovers. "Susan" is/was a competitor and the second I found a four leaf clover, she found a five, I'd find a six, she'd find a seven, I'd find an eight, she'd find a 10. We pressed all of our four leaf clovers into the encyclopedias in her parents room, there must be hundreds of them still there to this day.

When she moved away to New Orleans for college, I was devastated. I felt like my limbs were ripped off my body and for the next year I felt completely lost. She stayed with me the summer I moved to Boston, and I felt renewed for a time, then she moved back to school and we were further apart then ever. I went to school in Alabama, and she finished up and moved away to Phoenix. She got married over a year a half ago.

When I graduated from college a month after her wedding, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to come due to the expense of her wedding, and she cried to me over the phone one night, "I'd come if I could, you know I would."

"Of course I know that, don't worry, it's not a big deal," I told her.

She dropped it and a couple days later she called again crying. "I can't believe I won't be there for you, I should be, I would if I could."

On my graduation day, during the procession, my phone rang and it was my mom. She told me to turn around and wave so that she could find me in the sea of black caps and gowns. When I turned around I squinted to the other side of the arena, and found the blob of my family in the crowd and then honed in on a familiar face next to my mom. It was my best friend, who flew cross country just to see me walk across a stage.

It breaks my heart to say I haven't seen her since December 18, 2006. We speak frequently and the phone calls make up some of the distance. Even when we go awhile without talking we pick up the phone again like we left off no time at all.

About a year ago she got a dog and named it after me. She said it was sweet and wanted to please everyone, so she couldn't think of a better name than "Rose."

Shortly after, I started feeling a void in my life, needing comfort that only my best friend can give, C and I went to the Seattle Animal Shelter and found Susan. Her crazy glares, her stand offish behavior, her comfort on her terms, every interaction comforts me to know that I found some of my best friend in a cat named Susan.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Word a day

So I am working with my cousin to do a word a day while he's here. It's amazing to me that 1. He doesn't know how to spell words like "jealous" or "choice" and 2. That he doesn't know what the word "optimistic" means. I mean seriously, what kind of education are kids getting these days?

I had a voluminous vocabulary by the time I was in third grade for cripes' sake.

Word for today:

misoneism
PRONUNCIATION:
(mis-uh-NEE-izm)

MEANING:
noun: A hatred or fear of change or innovation.


Thank you word-a-day web site. You are my hero.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Time keeps passing by..

Sorry my entries seem to be getting less frequent, even though I think about writing often. I've come up with funny little posts that I imagine writing about. Here are some of the things I meant to write this week, but didn't:

* Bergdorf Goodman, give me all your shoes
* Daily Candy how I love thee
* Happy Independence Day, don't blow yourself up
* Seattle is only sunny when I'm inside...at work
* I don't know how anyone manages one teenager, let alone multiple
* I fainted
* TacoBell, I love thee and you used to make me run to the boarder of Ballard, now I don't have to run I can just hobble with my gooey cheesy gordita legs down to the boarder of my street (they're moving in one block away from work and one block away from home...I'm going to try not to get fat by walking on the other side of the street)

Well, that's about the excitement in my life. My cousin has been staying with us for exactly one week and he is probably one of the sweetest teenagers, ever, but Jesus are they sarcastic. I thought I was sarcastic, but man, you teenagers have this *ish* figured OUT. On top of that they *NEED* things. Need to be fed, need their clothes washed, need showers, need sleep, need attention. Who knew. I certainly didn't. Such a good kid, I'm lucky he's so good.

There are more things to come on the horizon, soon, I just am not at liberty to discuss at present. Good things.

In other good news that I can discuss, my best friend D, is getting married. I'm going back to Bama for her engagement party and to hang out with the fam Aug 14 - 24. Make your reservations for my time now. Time slots are filling up quickly.

Alright. Well, I'm off to my friend C's to have mojitos and chili.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Italian Family Reunion

So C and I make the trek across the country for my family reunion which was exactly what I needed to unwind from the work grind. We took an overnight flight last Wednesday, arriving into Boston's Logan International Airport at 7:30 am.

My cousin, N, picked us up from the airport. Due my demanding nature and extreme withdrawels of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, we headed straight for Dunks to pick up a medium iced hazelnut coffee. A-mazing. I drank the entire thing in basically three minutes flat and started to sip on N's Iced Mocha Latte. Now, I'm loyal to my hazelnut coffee, but that mocha latte was WW's worst nightmare. That 16 oz beverage claims 270 calories and 5 grams of fat - 1 gram of fiber. 6 points for pure delight. Way to go DD. America runs on you.

We headed back to my grandparents house and immediately dug into breakfast and I didn't remove the fork from my hand until I left on Sunday evening. While I was there I induldged in the following items:
* French Toast
* Italian Wedding Cookies
* DD coffee
* Thumb print cookies
* Eggplant parmesan
* Manicotti
* DD coffee
* Sandwiches of all flavors and persuasions
* Fish cakes
* DD coffee
* Funnel Cake
* Shrimp casserole
* Fritatta
* DD coffee
* Fried eggplant with tuna fish inside (do NOT ask)
* Cheese, cheese and cheese
* Caesar salad
* Slush
* Caramel apples
* Peach Salsa

Amazingly enough I stepped on the scale and lost 1/2 a lb while I was there. I think my body is in a temporary coma and it will hit the scale full force tomorrow at weigh in.

I honestly had a really great time. My family is truly extraordinary. I got to spend a good deal of time with my cousin, N. We dressed alike the whole time and I have to admit, I really liked it. It was kinda cheesy, fun, cute. She's moving to Florida at the end of this week to live with a boyfriend in Sarasota. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried, but I think it will be good for her to get outside of Gloucester for awhile.

I saw my dad and my brothers. How in Christ's sake did I end up with such good brothers? I don't even begin to know, but thank goodness I did. It's amazing to have two siblings (J and My Master *S*)that love me as much as they do. I didn't get to talk to J as much as I would have liked since his friends were in town, but he and C went on a bike ride and got to spend some time together so that's good. S and I talked some, he really is a great bro, even though you left a f'ing bruise on my arm.

My aunts and uncles are great as well. All of them are exceptionally unique and are extraordinarily giving in each of their own ways. I've always hated that I don't talk to them as much as I'd like, and I am really going to try to make a conscious effort to get better about it. I want to be a part of their lives and my cousin's lives...I want them to be a part of mine. I've missed out on a lot of that.

And my grandparents. Truly amazing people. My grandmother stressed for days about what to feed me and then waited until two hours before I left to let me know that I had veggie burgers in the freezer. Hahaha, that woman CRACKS me up.

While I was there I also got to see my best friend who is now living in Providence. It was just so nice to be near her. She will always be the closest thing to a sister and admittedly I feel like a huge part of me is missing without her around.

Anyway, good trip.

Now, my 15 year old cousin, M from the other side of the family is staying with me for the month of July. It's going to be a busy, busy summer.


Enjoy the pics...


Me and N


Me and C


Me, My bro (My Master S), N


My bro S, J, and Me


Me and Dad



Me, Dad and J


N, my amazing Nonna and Me -- Can you believe that N wouldn't let us dress alike to go out to a dance club with her friends? I mean, seriously. I could have gotten us two of those sparkley shirts and we would have been all set.


N, my cousin B and Me


N and Me

Okay, good day and good night. I'm off to hang out with the boys at a skateboarding shop. Wooo.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I want to go to NYC.

I can remember the exact moment that I realized I was fat. I was in 8th grade and waiting for my mother to come and pick me up after school. While waiting for our parents some friends were talking about going to the cutest boy in our grade's dance birthday party – I was not invited. Just then, cute boy walks by and over hears the discussion.

"Jessica, you're not invited," Cute Boy says. "I don't want fat girls at my party."

There had been warning signs about my weight throughout my life. I wore a size 8 in women's at the age of 11, I had stretch marks on my legs and I was constantly stared at by adults and children my age. Somehow, it wasn't until that moment that I received affirmation.

Tears started to stream down my face as my "friends" giggled and walked away with cute boy leaving me all alone. I climbed into my mom's car and sobbed the way home. When I got home, I ate a huge piece of chocolate cake to make myself feel better.

Growing up in an Italian family, in the South, with a chef for a father, food was the solution to everything. We used to comfort ourselves, to celebrate our achievements, whatever the occasion, food would be there.

When I moved to Seattle I convinced myself I would live a healthier lifestyle. I joined a gym and exercised regularly. I kept watching the scale hoping for a change, but the cupcakes and ranch covered french-fries I'd eat after my work outs negated any effects. I felt completely miserable; I hated the way I looked.

Some friends at work asked me to join them at a Weight Watchers meeting and for breakfast one morning before heading to the office, admittedly the draw was breakfast.

Weight Watchers turned around my life. I started to eat responsibly and understand that my portions were out of control, that my eating habits were dismal. I stopped hiding from my roommate so I could eat another carton of ice cream and the cheese drawer. I started to feel good.

I hit my goal weight this year, and I look at pictures and can't help smile and think, "Wow, you did it. You really are beautiful." For the first time in my life, I know I'm beautiful and I could get to any cute boy's party.

Remembering You

Micah Bonner was an outlier in my life. Someone who sits in the background, waving his hands furiously every so often to get me to turn my head and notice him. Whenever I turned to look at him, he made me laugh and smile. He made me feel incredibly important. He took care of my best friend D, and took the edge of me worrying about her. He gave and gave his constant comfort and positive energy -- someone I can honestly say I never saw be negative. He was everyone's cheerleader. He demonstrated how to live.

One of my favorite memories of Micah was the summer before my freshman year in college. I had just moved back down from Boston and he was eager to hang out again.

After a long game of frolf, we went to a playground nearby his house and he forced me to do the spider swinging with him. I was hesitant to do it. I just knew it'd break.

I remember him saying "Just because you're getting old Jessica doesn't mean you can't have fun. Live, Jess, live."

I climbed on to the swing with him and sure enough it broke. We both tumbled into the sand beneath us, turned over and looked at each other and laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

In the more recent past I remember hanging out with him at his apartment talking about nothing. When the conversation turned to a serious talk about our futures he pulled out a clown mask. He put it on.

He turned toward me with a cool expression, lit a cigarette and smoked it through the mask. I started to smile. He said, "Now, Jessica, let's be serious. Do you think I'd make a good clown?"



Yes, Micah, you made a great clown. You made me happy. You made D happy. I will remember you always, as jovial and upbeat. Thank you for teaching me to take to laugh, teaching me to live.

May you forever rest in peace.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Rockin' weekend good times -- here's my picture book recap

I have to tell you I love weekends that feel long. This weekend has felt long enough (in a really good way) that I'm not dreading work tomorrow. I feel relaxed and happy, and ready to face whatever the work week has to throw at me. Let's run through the weekend...

C and I decided to celebrate our anniversary this weekend since we'll be busy for the next few weeks and won't be able to celebrate the real day. It was great, I came home and got ready to go to dinner and headed off to Carmelita's (http://www.carmelita.net/). An amazing vegetarian dinner. Mushroom risotto is one of my favorite things in the whole world. A comfortable, cozy and is ranked as the number five restaurant in Seattle. Friday was a beautiful day outside, so we decided to sit out on the patio to enjoy the crisp Seattle air. Here's just a few pictures of dinner:



Me



A heart C made out of the bread


C at dinner

After dinner we went to the Westin downtown and stayed on the 44th floor with an amazing view looking over the city. Here's what we got to look at:



Kind of you can see the lights from our apartment building. Pretty cool.


Me in front of it...


Us

On Saturday we headed up to Marblemount near the Skagit River to go camping with some of our friends for S's 25th birthday. I'm not an outdoorsy person by any means, but I really had a good time. The drive was ridiculously long, and if any of you know me at all, you know that I LOATHE driving. But, once we got there, I was really happy we made the trek. We hung out, had foil dinners, sat around a fire and burned things and sang songs. We saw a deer 10 feet away and it just sat there and stared at us, it was really cool. Here are some of the pictures from the night:





Singing...




...around the fire..






Hanging outtttttt...


Our campsite...

As we left we stopped to take some pictures of the scenery..



Ooo, pretty...the waterfall, not me.



C in front of the waterfall.


Lots of pictures to remember a great weekend.

Goodnight.